What a crazy time to be alive! We are together in this- yet so alone. I needed to be reminded that we are never alone though. We have each other more than ever. I don't think I've ever 'connected' online so well and so much with friends across the world at this time.
Worship.Worship is not just songs and music. It is an overall lifestyle choice. We can worship at every moment of our day.It is an attitude. An act from the heart. Music and song are so important during times like these- when we are all a lot quieter than normal. He gives us hope when hope is gone.This season sucks already, but remember perspective. It is okay to not be okay- like my last post on a God of all emotions.It is okay to feel completely alone. However, it is important to remember tobe kindand gain perspectiveat this unusual time.Let worship through song overwhelm you as you are home.....
If you are sitting at home in quarantine bored out of your mind, craving for people, longing for community... or maybe you just lost your job and are wondering what on earth you are supposed to do to support your family and survive this year? or you are home in quarantine with 6 kids fighting over the WIFI access as they have to have a strong connection for their online school work and you are running from kid to kid helping as well as cooking, cleaning, and making sure everyone is safe and well...... We ALL need each other at this time. Be gentle in understanding each others circumstances and that we are all under different types of stress. We all long for connection no matter the circumstance. Now is not the time to compare. Now is not the time to be selfish.
We ALL need song. We ALL need community. We ALL need each other..... I've been reminded during this crazy season- that we need people. Fellowship is a human craving. We desire connection. I don't care if you are a natural introvert or extrovert. We desire community.Don't let this season of quiet rob you of joy and peace. Community is just going to look a whole lot different these next few months. We all have to accept that. We all have to still worship in the midst of it all. We may be together- yet alone right now but always remember the Lord is close to the broken-hearted. Perspective is so important during these days.... This uncertain season- This too shall pass.
I love these songs because the lyrics are powerful. There is nothing better than Jesus. Jesus is working even when we can't see it or feel it. He is in control. He is with us. His peace is real. Let's lift up in song together- no matter how you feel- bring it all to Jesus. He calls us as we are."Come", He says.
So .... life has been crazy these past few days. Almost every email I receive has been a change in schedule, someone is leaving, or a student wanting to Google Hangout call due to anxiety and stress..... Schools across the world are struggling as leaders have to make big and hard decisions. Families across the world are wrestling with children at home and possibly unemployment. Through all this chaos in the world, God is still on the Throne. He is still Sovereign. He is still God.
God is also a God of all emotions though.It IS okay to be devastated, sad, hurt, confused, upset, angry. It's okay to be sad when people leave and goodbye parties can't happen. It's okay to not even know how you feel or be able to express the deep disappointment and sadness about a situation. It's okay to be frustrated when doubt and fear overwhelm and the uncertainty of what is next overtakes. It's okay to be hurting and heart-broken for the sick, your family, your neighbors, your community, your school, your friends, the vulnerable, the elderly, your specific situation, for the world..... Those are feelings the Lord gave you. It's how we react to these sudden horrible things in our lives right now that is the testament. Whom shall we fear?
I am definitely someone who cries. When I was little, I used to cry if I spilled my milk by accident, or dropped a plate. As I grew older, I cried about friends quarreling or being disappointed about something. Recently, I can literally cry for NO reason at all some days. Haha.
In times of crisis, we need to remember that emotions are good. Crying is normal. Be gracious to yourself during chaos and trouble. Emotions- They show we care. They show we hurt. They show we are human. Fear, however, is from the devil. Don't allow it to overtake. Emotions- Above all, they show we need Jesus. We need God. We can't do this alone. It's impossible. With God, ALL things. ALL emotions, are possible.
Romans 8:26-27
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."
I am grateful the Spirit helps me with my weakness. It's hard not being selfish right now. I hope we can all unite together in our sadness to help each other and encourage. Not to ruin more and to cause more hurt. I pray we can be gentle during this time of crisis. I pray we can be gentle to our emotions and how different they are at this time. I pray we can be gentle to ourselves too. We have a God of all emotions. He holds us. He holds our world. Whom shall we fear? What shall we fear?
I hope to be writing some shorter blog posts throughout this social-distancing and teaching online season we are all going through. So, if you are interested in following along- PLEASE save my blogspot site and read as I post new posts......
I was reminded today of an old song my mom used to sing in worship services at church: In Moments Like These. The lyrics are copied below:
"In moments like these I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like these I lift up my hands
I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing I love You, Lord
Singing I love You, Lord
Singing I love You, Lord
I love You"
Even though I know this season isn't just a moment, I hope this song can bring peace to your soul. I know it feels like a never-ending uncertainty right now about what could or will happen. At times when uncertainty and uncharted waters become reality, as believers, we need to cling onto Jesus even more. We need to lift up our Hands and sing praises. We need to declare His love. We need to shine His light among the nations. We need to seek Him. We need to look to Him instead of the news we read or listen to. I've been through many unknown seasons in my life. Every time I face an unknown, I tend to panic and fall into my sinful human nature and try to figure things out on my own. I tend to isolate myself from those I love the most. I tend to seek everything and anything else instead of God's truth and wisdom found in His Word. Why? I keep learning the SAME lesson. Over and over and over again. I need MORE Jesus....... Less Sumi.
I hope during this uncertain and probably disappointment after disappointment filled season- we can unite together as believers across the world and seek Jesus. Look to Him for grace each day. Look to Him as the news gets more terrifying. Look to Jesus. He holds the world. He holds our nations. He holds our families and loved ones. He holds your heart. He really is in control amidst the sorrow and madness. In the storm, He is peace. Let Peace overwhelm YOU this season.
I have realized this month that even through my selfishness and pride, He will still carry me. He still loves me when I feel weak and doubt. He reminds me of His faithfulness and His miracles. I've been reminded in my Bible Study recently that through our weakness, He is strong. His strength is always with us. We just need to reach out and take it.
Maybe you are reading this and are having a difficult time understanding what God is doing in your life right now. Maybe you are doubting or confused like me. Maybe you are hurting and unsure how to move forward in many areas of your life. Maybe you feel beyond repair. I urge you to never give up hope. I serve a God who performs miracles. He cares so deeply for us. We have a God who stays. He runs in our direction. He opens His arms wide. Nothing we have ever done can separate us. We are already free. We are already His. Rest in the hope that we have in Jesus. My chaos, confusion, hurt, weakness and pride are not too much for God. His strength is enough.He is enough. I need to start really believing that myself. It is so easy to write and speak about but a different story to follow and believe sometimes. I'm learning. Believe what the Lord says about us. Trust Him.
I was reminded of many miracles that the Lord has done in my life. This song came to mind. It talks about how we are all living, breathing, walking miracles. I'm glad the Lord brings peace when we sit still with Him and place our burdens at His feet. He cares. Deeply. I feel refreshed just listening to these lyrics and remembering how far I've come. All thanks to Jesus. Your Name, Jesus, is Above all. Praise the Lord!
Apologies in advance for the 200 thoughts thrown on a page with no clear direction or purpose. I'm hoping someone can relate to at least one part of what I'm blabbing on about.
Restlessness. Doubt. Uncertainty. Burdens. Fear. Tears. Pain. More tears. I've been struggling a lot lately with many areas of my life. I realized it wasn't only my students learning to cope with anxiety issues and feelings of worthlessness, resulting in meltdowns- but it was me too.
Work has been overwhelming. Processing my past and the unknowns of the future opened up many old hurts and wounds I never knew I had. Homesickness is real too. (Not that I know where 'home' is or which 'home' I'm referring to.) I guess people..... I miss people from the various places I've had the privilege of doing life in and creating deep friendships with others. Restlessness. Working with so many students who are adopted, my curiosity for my own adoption story is consistently on my heart and in my mind especially when I get questions like, "Ms. Sumi, will I ever fit in?" "Will I ever feel a sense of belonging?" "I am worthless." "I feel rejection everyday." "I cry everyday." "Will I ever meet my birth family?" My heart breaks for my students, at the same time as my own brokenness is exposed even more.Restlessness. My heart feels like it's tossed among the waves. I feel like my days are filled with 'busy' and my anxious heart yearns for stillness with Jesus. But what does that look like? Stillness with Jesus? I thought after my Master's Degree was complete- life would be 'easier' again. What happened? I've been asked recently about how it is living a single life in an expat mission world where there are many excited young families starting out their mission adventures. It made me think of all the beautiful weddings I've been lucky to be a part of and how now close friends are having children and starting their families. It makes me wonder if that will ever happen for me. I'm young and clearly have a lot to work on. Yet, the future seems so hard- I just want to go back sometimes. Restlessness. A restless heart. My heart does not do well in the unknowns. I need to learn to be STILL. Focus on Jesus.
Well, I don't have the answers. All I can give through this post are some things I've thought of during a difficult month. I don't have anything figured out at this moment- but I definitely have gained a new perspective in just a few weeks as I sit here and write this. I'm in awe of the power of Jesus.
Our hearts become restless when we are unable to find true peace. When we are unable to focus on Jesus and only focus on ourselves. I realized I wasn't giving my life up each day to Jesus. I noticed that in the quiet, I was seeking man's approval and placing my worth on how others thought of me. I hope to learn to be Still with Jesus.
I believe it has to be an intentional step of learning to self-care. I am learning to take rest seriously and take care of me. This is uncomfortable as it feels like I'm being selfish. I believe that Stillness with Jesus is important. This does not mean only 'devotion time with the Lord or in Scripture'. Don't get me wrong- those precious times are needed everyday too. Soaked in Scripture. However, I am talking about true quietness and stillness. Learning to intentionally listen to His voice and his still small whisper. I believe today's generation expects immediate communication and runs on being busy and rushed, that the true meaning of being still and quiet is seen as bad or unpopular.
I had the privilege of leading a song at church on Sunday as part of the worship team. I felt a sense of deep joy singing with God's people in that beautiful space. I do not have the strongest voice, the best voice, or the nicest voice- but wow- I felt the Holy Spirit move as I shakily sung powerful words. I felt at peace with myself for the first time in a long time. It's easy to pretend to be someone you aren't. To put on a smile and a face to show you are 'fine'. It's easy to let others bring you down. It's easy to forget the purpose of why you do what you do. God is good. He is faithful.
"All my life You have been faithful. All my life You have been so so good. With every breathe that I am able- I will sing of the goodness of God. I love Your voice. You have led me through the fire. In the darkest night, You were close like no other. I've known You as a Father. I've known You as a friend. And I have lived in the goodness of God. Your goodness is running after me."
Those lyrics really spoke to me. He has always been faithful. I can't believe I am where I am right now. I honestly shouldn't have made it through high school. I've had multiple chances in life as the Lord has rescued me from many incidents and accidents. He has great things in store. I am certain.
Not for a minute was I forsaken. The Lord is in this place. He knows Restless. He wants us to come to Him just as we are. "Trust me", He says. He knows a restless heart. He calms it. He guides it. He comforts it.
So, I have no answers, but I have peace found in Jesus. Apart from Him, I really have no good thing. My heart may continue to be restless, but I can be overjoyed and overflowing with His peace, love, and mercies. Peace that wraps my anxieties and unknowns. Peace that helps me do my job well. Peace that enables me to help others that have been through what I have. Peace to get through the day knowing my identity is in Christ. Peace that helps me truly believe that my belonging and sense of 'home' is found in Jesus. In His stillness. Peace to allow me to minister to those around me to see this Perfect Peace found in Jesus too.
All those burdens and worries and tears........
Leave them behind. Run to the Father. He has no disappointment in His eyes. He loves us. Come to the Father, just as you are. We are not in control of our own lives. We need to learn to trust Jesus. We need to learn to commit ourselves to God's purposes everyday. We need to learn to seek His answers and His will. Don't let others direct your journey. Don't get bogged down by your own anxieties and shortcomings. The Lord knows your deepest secrets. He made you. Trust Him. Don't lead your own life. Let God do it. Seek His stillness by being STILL and committing your every action and word to Him.
A restless heart - is beautiful- in the Hands of a Creator and Father. He calms the waves. He calms the restlessness and provides Perfect Peace.
"You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2 "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." Psalm 62:5
2020 did not start out the way I had hoped.... But I have great confidence 2020 will be a year of growing closer to Jesus and seeing more of His beautiful plans unfold.
Provider. A word that carried me through this year.
The Lord is always faithful and He always provides. This last year He really helped me through a lot. He provided things I never dreamed of. Finishing a Masters Degree. My dream job in Special Education. Visiting new places in Europe and traveling to see friends.
Just a quick run through in pictures of my fabulous 2019. Miracles do happen if you trust the Lord as Your Provider.
Visiting Siem Reap
Excited for a new year as we enter 2020 :)
In awe of God's LOVE for His people- through the good, bad, and ugly times. He is constant. He is Our Provider. Lots of unknowns and changes to come..... but with God on your side - only the BEST is to come.
"....Those who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing". -Psalm 34:10
The beautiful place I get to call home: Phnom Penh
Wonderful friends and girls trip!
Got our hair done! Miss these two!
Birthday Breakfast!
Love coaching! Basketball :)
Hard to say goodbye to my beloved teaching Year 4 students.
But God had other plans in store....
Switzerland with the Fammm
Love my family!
Holland with Tante Margriet
Getting a full weekend with my favorite brother!
Seeing old friends!
Seeing more old friends! :)
Germany!
New job as Coordinator of ARC
New and old friends made !
Love these girls!
Beautiful view from my apartment
Getting to eat delicious Mama Dawne food!
I get to do life with these amazing peeps!
Lovely trying new places to eat with these lovelies.
Boat cruises!
Camping trip with these crazies!
Difficult days trying to get to school
Praying I'd make it in the morning....
Grateful to work at a place as beautiful as this one!
Getting to live in this busy yet calming city of Phnom Penh. Love it!
Becoming an Alumni of Cairn University!
Finishing my IDP and doing my seminars.
Christmas with my folks!
"2019-That's a wrap" Starting this year with a smile and excitement for all that's to come!
I am so excited to be regularly blogging from now on with Grad school completed.
These last few months have been a whirlwind of chaos and the words 'I'm busy' came out of my mouth all too often. I honestly don't know how parents taking care of their little people do it! I commend them.
This season for me has been daunting and difficult. However, I was reminded of a song sung at Graduation at my Boarding School in India: Look what God has done for us. The simple title speaks loudly at the fact that the Lord holds our lives in His hands. There is purpose. We are to give Him all the glory. He will continue to remain faithful.
I encourage you through this blog post to look back. To look back and think of how faithful the Lord has been in your life. Yes, the present- the NOW- and the future are to be focused on, but the Lord's faithfulness can be clung to. It helps us get through the darkest of days.
People that know me well can say I've had my fair share of dark days. However, the Lord has always been near. I honestly believe that. Sometimes, I just have to seek a little harder. I just have to look UP a little more.
As I write this on the day of completing my Masters of Education, I can't help but think of all the Lord has done for me. He really is a God of miracles. I don't think people that have only known me a short while understand just how amazing it is for me to have completed an MS in Education WHILE full-time teaching.
This is the same girl that barely passed her middle school math exams. The same girl that flunked exams over and over again. The same girl that had panic attacks in the classroom when asked to answer a question in public. The same girl that cried over German homework. The same girl that thought she'd never get accepted to College. The same girl that wondered what on earth she was going to do with her life. The same girl that compared herself to everyone and anyone- forgetting that the Lord gifts us all with different talents. The same girl that thought she would never amount to much and especially not excel in teaching- as school was just too hard for her......
You see what I mean? I had a lot of very large mountains to climb over these last two years, but the Lord kept pushing me along and cheering me on. Look what God has done ....... He is powerful. He transforms. He provides. He lifts us up. He helps. He guides. He supports. He challenges us to continue to seek out our potential with His help. God IS good. He will never let us down. I make such a big deal about this because of the work I do now.
My days are not all loved and enjoyable. Work is tough. However, I get to see glimpses of "Sumi" everyday as I work with these precious students. I get to help build confidence in those that have given up. I get to help discover gifts and talents when students think they really can't do anything or are good for nothing. I get to support those that fear school and their future. I get to walk alongside students that feel failure and inadequacy. I get to help families understand that there is more to this life we've been given than a report card. I get to speak words of truth and encouragement to those that are different and struggle academically or socially. Anything is possible with Christ. Anything is possible with the help of Jesus.
I don't know what you're going through. Maybe there is nothing to be celebrating right now. The days are dark and looking back at your life is hard. I encourage you to find JOY in the little things. I encourage you to allow the Lord to embrace you and help you. I encourage you to never give up on Him. He is listening to your cries and prayers. Anything is possible with Him if we believe and have faith. He really has more for you than you can imagine or dream of. His plans are perfect. Trust Him.
In my life, I tend to like to jump in the driver's seat time and time again. It's a learning process to realize that is never a good idea. The Lord's plans are SO much greater. SO much better. I am learning to follow the Lord's gentle whisper and follow His still small voice. I am learning to let Him be driver. It's a lot more adventurous and fun that way.
My school just performed The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. My favorite quote goes well with this theme of letting the Lord lead. His plans are always good even if we don't see the Good yet.
"Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course He isn't safe. But He's good. He's the King, I tell you.”
Another thing I learned from Grad school and working hard is about the power of community. I don't think my community here in Cambodia realizes their impact and influence on me. Each person I've encountered has been a pivotal instrument in guiding me to Christ. I am fortunate to have such loving people to walk this journey of life with. The days are never easy, but they are worth it because of who I get to do them with. I am grateful for God's provision of people. He truly provides all we need.
Thank you HOPE community and close friends and family near and far for all your support. This accomplishment would not have even been possible without your loving prayers, care, and patience with me through this season.
Look what God has done. I look forward to many more milestones to look back on. I am excited for all that is to come. Thank you God for building my confidence through your Great Goodness. For when I am weak, HE is strong. Here's to a NEW season...... expecting Great things from God.
