God isn't finished yet

Have you ever thought to yourself: Is this it?

Well, I have. The ache of loneliness is so real. But why? I mean, I have the world's best friends, I have a family that loves me, I have a bed, a roof over my head, a full fridge, a job others wished they had...... and the list could go on. Yet I feel alone. It's moments like these I realize how easy it is to stray off onto the wrong path. I realize how much of a sinner I am, but that no matter what He loves. I don't deserve anything He willingly blesses me with. He'll continually pour the blesses into my life. I am so overwhelmed by His grace and compassion.

If you know what I'm talking about- you know. There are times in life that come so unexpected. I never thought I would be where I am today or doing what I am today. God sees the big picture. We see only the moment we are in. Nothing is impossible for Him. Our Savior is fighting for us, holding this world in His hands, yet we fear and we doubt. Yes, there are times my heart aches, until I realize what He has done for me. Then, I am filled with unspeakable joy and overwhelming gratitude.

We are never alone. And yes, this may feel like it's it, but He's got more in store each day and He always knows best. Keep leaning on Him. He is our Rock and Savior. I have grown closer to my Savior through the darkest moments and the lonely times. I believe in fellowship and the power of the Body and the Church, however, I also believe the importance in a relationship with Christ that does not depend on others or depend on circumstances of life. When we are weak, He is strong in us.

I have learned that HE truly is enough for me. Asking the "Is this it?" question proves how weak I am. He is more than enough. Life throws us curve balls and my hope for more than this may remain, but my love for my Savior will never be faint. We can count on Him. Always. 

If you are hoping for more- trust Him. He knows much better than any of our wildest dreams.

Have patience, God isn't finished yet. 

Overwhelmed by GRACE

I've been a college graduate for over a week now. WOW! I can't begin to describe what a miracle it has been to get this far. I don't even know how to express it. I don't deserve anything, yet the Lord restores me time and time again and blesses my life. I remember days in high school where I thought, "How can I keep going? How is this possible? What am I doing?" In those moments, He sometimes powerfully reminded me He was right beside me being my Helper, and sometimes He kept silent, and I chose to trust Him anyway. He blessed me triple, because He is always faithful even when I am not. Today, I ask those same questions. "How can I keep going? How is this possible? What am I doing?" He once again fills me with overwhelming grace. His grace is enough. Always.

During the rush of each day, the routine of life, and the chaos in my heart and thoughts- One thing remains: His love. Everything changes so rapidly and I could be overwhelmed by a lot, but He calls us to rest in Him. He calls us to relax! He's got it all under control and all He wants us to do is trust Him and keep moving forward. He is true even when we wander and stray off the path. He is constant, forever. What a promise and joy. His grace overwhelms my soul and He satisfies my thirst. The lyrics to the song Thrive by Casting Crowns made me pause to think today:

"Joy unspeakable
Faith unsinkable
Love unstoppable
Anything is possible"

With Him, everything is possible. In Him my future is perfect. In Him, I am complete. Why do I worry? Why am I afraid? Why am I hurting? He makes me new and He holds my heart. How can it be that He loves me so much? How beautiful. We are FREE in Him. Anything is possible through Him.
I have a lot I could be worried about and be fearful about, but with a Savior like ours- nothing needs to be feared. He calls us to himself. "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" - Psalm 46:10


Be still and know Him. Let your heart relax and be refreshed in who you are in Him because of the promise in Jesus Christ. He is more than we can ever imagine. So why don't we just simply trust Him........

Try it. Trust Him. His grace will overwhelm you!

He is more than enough for me

         It's definitely time to write another blog post. It's so refreshing to write and reflect. If you haven't written in your journal in a while I suggest taking the time out of your week to do it. Some of my best quiet times with the Lord, hearing from Him, is when I write. The reason I blog though is to encourage. I enjoy letting others see straight through my life if it gives them a chance to see something more beautiful in their own or something more breathtaking about Christ. I love the way the Lord uses words to bless others.

         I've had a very busy few weeks but I've learned a lot about myself and the Lord. As I cried out to Him on Monday night, I was frustrated and alone. I was frustrated at others success. I was frustrated at others happiness and having things work out for them when my life seemed to be falling apart. I was comparing again. I have never had these feelings before as normally I am overjoyed by hearing from the ones I love the most how everything is working out for them. I was terrified at my feelings as I was upset at God too. I was upset about how many struggles He seems to be placing in front of me, instead of success and joy. I needed to refocus and change my perspective. I was missing out on a lot of the blessings He was placing in front of me. I looked at those blessings and thought they were struggles. Adversity builds character, right? He refines us like gold to become more like Him and I needed to stop and think about that. He was shaping me again and making me feel the way I did because He wants me for himself. He wants me to become more like Him. How beautiful is that? He wants us to become more like Him. Those moments when I fall on my knees in awe of Him are when I realize He has such a perfect and different plan for everyone.

         Some people around me needed moments of joy and moments of great success and moving forward in their lives. God works differently with us all. I clearly needed a refocus week and also to be reminded of my gift of encouragement. It brings me such real joy to be able to bless others by encouraging them through my times of trial and being on my knees in pain. I have learned so much about selflessness through those times as I look to Christ for strength as I'm weak but He makes me stronger. I needed to be reminded of all the blessings He has placed in my life. I mean it's breathtaking. My jaw drops and my eyes water every time I stop and think about all He has done in my life. Thank you Jesus.

         I realized my purpose had been lost that night as I cried out to Him in pain. I knew my tears were being held and my heart was in His hands. I believed stronger than I ever have that He is more than enough for me. It's such a powerful feeling to believe the statement that He is enough. Student teaching is exhausting even though I love my class and my teacher is a role model to me. I feel so overwhelmed to be teaching as I don't deserve to be there. The reason I almost tear up every time someone gives me a compliment or kind word is because of how much the Lord has done in my life. I can't believe it. This is all impossible without Him. I don't deserve this life I get to live. I don't deserve the friends He has given me. Yet, He blesses us time and time again. He blesses us by telling us we are HIS perfect gift. How mind-boggling to imagine the fact that Jesus calls us His children. He paid our price. He washed away all sin. He forgives. He loves always. No matter what. Wow. Take me all the way, Lord. You are more than enough for me. Thank you for all these beautiful reminders this week as six year old's would tell me, "Great job today, Miss Leonard on your teaching. You are finally getting the hang of it!" I laugh inside at these comments as I know it's all God's strength in me shining out. I don't know what tomorrow brings or what the future has in store for me but I know He is enough. He is all I need. There is nothing to worry about.

Count your blessings. You WILL be surprised at how much the Lord has given you. Don't waste your life searching for worldly things or feelings or plans. Search for Him. Seek Him. He is more than enough for you. Praise the Lord.

        








   

         

When everything changes

I have successfully finished my first week of student teaching. Yayy!! I thought it would be an easier week as we had Monday off already and was excited to get started on this journey of becoming a teacher. I had no idea what lay ahead. I got through two days with a lot of stories to tell. Some stories were great and others made me realize how hard it is to be a teacher. Teachers are truly superheroes. I am blessed to be placed where I am in a wonderful 1st grade classroom.

Stressing out about all the things ahead and comforting myself and others through the first few days was draining. I was so worried about all the work I was supposed to get done and how on earth I was meant to finish it all. Here is when everything changed.

Day three hit and I was already exhausted and praising the Lord it was a Thursday. I was excited to get to school early and help out. On my way there I got into a car accident. I don't think I have ever screamed that loud before. All I really remember is wondering how I made it out of that car in one piece while looking at all air bags open and my entire bumper across the street. I felt no pain just then, only gratitude through my tears. I definitely believe in miracles. That incident does not need to be repeated, but let's just say it was something I hope to forget. The first thing I thought of as I opened my eyes was, "God, you must really want me here." How merciful He is to answer our prayers and be listening to everything I ask of Him. I had just prayed the night before with a friend to keep us safe on the roads as we drive and He listened in an odd way, but He listened. He kept me safe and everyone else involved. I needed a change in perspective and when everything changes all around us sometimes it is in those moments we look up. We look to Christ. I CAN'T do this alone. I am never trying to do this life alone.

Just like when we enter Jesus into our heart for the first time and everything changes, I felt like everything had so quickly changed. I can't trust in what I felt or feel like today. I can trust in Him and what I know and believe. I feel like I got beat up bad, but I know that I'm healed by grace. I feel like crying and never stopping, but I believe that He loves me so deeply that He wants me here a little longer. I know He holds my tears. I feel pain every time I talk or walk or move, but I know it's such minor pain in comparison to so many and in comparison to what worse could have occurred. I believe in Jesus and His comfort. I know that adversity builds character and this week will be added to my life story to bless others someday. Faith and this relationship with Christ is SO much more than just a feeling.

Don't get me wrong though, I was very upset at myself and God. I mean, seriously? What kind of timing do you have, God? Who do you think I am, superwoman? How can you think I can handle this, Jesus? I prayed for safety and this happens? I don't have time for this, God. The car was just bought and now it's crushed. All those questions filled my mind, but that is when I realized how BIG our God is. I had this overwhelming sense of His presence and peace. "Calm down and come to me, Sumi", I heard a voice say in my head. It was like Jesus was telling me STOP in the midst of my panic and chaos of thoughts and find rest in Him. I was overwhelmed by how much He cares for us. His plans are so perfect. His will is the way I want to live my life. He made me realize how much He loves me. What a miracle to be typing this and only have aches and pains and sores. God is good all the time. I am SO blessed to have a world of family, relatives, friends, and college professors and administration wrap their arms around me and comfort me. What a true blessing to have the best friends in the world and so many lovely people who care so deeply. I am overwhelmed by the love. 

Everything changes when Jesus is the center. I know the rest of this semester is not going to be easy, but I also know I have a God who protects at all times and a God who goes before. This whole week was not how I wanted to start my 2015 year, but oh boy was it a reminder that whatever the future is: He sure has a great plan! There is nothing in this world He doesn't know and nothing I can hide from Him. I love the verse in Hebrews where it states that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is constant. When everything changes and the world looks like chaos and feels like chaos- look to Jesus. With Him ALL things are possible. With Him WE are changed. He is constant forever. That same God is deeply in love with YOU. Never forget that.

Looking ahead is not easy and if you know me well, you know it's definitely not easy for me. But I am determined to keep striving and get right back up again. I know the stress of others gets to me and the complaining of myself gets to me, but after this weeks reminder of life flashing in front of me I was reminded to treasure every moment. I'm ready to SHINE for Him. I'm ready to see what else 2015 holds. I want His plan. I need His plan. It is always the best. Thank You Jesus.

When everything changes....................... reach out and grab onto Jesus. He never fails.

Let it be Jesus

Time flies.

I can't believe I'm a college senior and have only a year left to supposedly "figure out what I'm going to do with my life forever!" Yeah, right.

I know the questions will never end as I find myself asking some of them to others too- "What are you doing after you graduate?" "Will you be staying in Rochester or heading back to India?" "You want to teach in India right?"

My answer: I have no idea. All I know is that God has a plan. A perfect one.

These last 3 years have been tough. They have also been an incredible experience and I would not change a thing about them. I have made the best friends. I have proven to myself and my stubborn mind that all things are possible with Christ. And I have come far. I love that God wanted me here and again and again He reminds me of that. Whom shall I fear? He continually puts that phrase in my head. And He also continually proves it. He has and will always be right beside us.

It's been three years of searching. Searching for why God wanted me here. Searching for the feeling of home and comfort. Searching for friends and people who truly care about me. Searching in my heart to accept what others say about me. Searching for people I can minister to and make their day a bit brighter. Searching. Discovering the Indian in me become obvious to all those around me but at the same time feeling American. Feeling American but still feeling foreign all the time. Searching.

It's been three years of humbling myself to ask the stupid questions. Some days were hard as I'd hide behind my simple nod, hoping a friend (with their blank stare or shocked look) wouldn't ask me, "You know what that is, right?"
I am learning, however, that I cannot please everyone and I should never have that mindset anyway. I am learning that laughing at yourself feels so good. I do it often actually!

It's been three years of battling with myself. My thoughts, my feelings, and my stubborn attitude. God reminded me today once again- "Whom shall I fear?" He is the stronghold of our lives and if we let Him- He'll hold us tight and guide us every step of our way. The battle belongs to the Lord.

If we let Him.
I have realized that I have not let Him. I wanted control. I needed to feel at home. I needed to have friends. I need. Me, myself, and I. There was no God. When things went well- I thanked Him. When things were rough- I asked for His help. BUT- I did not let Him have me. ALL OF ME. Everything.

This is one of my favorite worship songs now. I love this section:

"Should I ever be abandoned
Should I ever be acclaimed
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame
There's a name I will remember
There's a name I will proclaim
Let it be, Let it be Jesus

 

For me, to live is Christ
For me, to live is Christ
God I breathe Your name above everything
Let it be, Let it be Jesus"

Yes, the last three years were tough. God was right beside me and He helped me through them though. I am so thrilled and excited to see what's next. I have been searching a lot. I am grateful to say the search for a lot of those things is over. The only search left is in Christ. I will always and forever seek Him. A college senior....... never in my dreams did I think it would even be possible. With Christ all things are possible. Whom shall we fear?

He has been faithful- why will He stop now?

You don't have to have it all together all the time. Give all you are to God and let Him take control. Let Him take your wheel and direct you. Trust me- it feels like real freedom. Real Joy.

Let it be Jesus. Every time.
















 

Hold On

HOLD ON- He knows what He's doing.

In the midst of chaos, Jesus is my Helper. My best friend. My Savior, Deliverer, Comforter, King. My Dad, my Healer. Are you barely holding on? Are you struggling through your days trying to see His love for you? Are you at the end of your rope? Is nothing going your way, by your plans or dreams or hopes?

HOLD ON- He knows what He's doing.

Why is it so hard to believe that God knows best? And that His ways are better than we could ever imagine.
It is easy to talk about and tell our friends we believe that all things work for the good and that God knows the plan and walks ahead of us......... but when it comes down to it- we ponder all the questions listed above multiple times. 

HOLD ON- He knows what He's doing.

I have realized the power behind this statement. Believing that God's promises are true and that they are being accomplished day after day is miraculous. He really does know what He is doing. All the time. 

I look back through the years of disappointments and trial and can see His faithfulness stream through. Every time I'd call on Him- He'd come. He would fill me up again. And I believe that WITH HIM all things are possible.

HOLD ON-He knows what He's doing. 

I am so in awe of His grace in my life I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed by His love for me. All my questions and worries and days of being on edge and wondering why I'm where I am........ If I look up to Him, He's right there. He's been behind and gone before and knows all that is to come. Believe that promise. I get days of great hurt and pain- when I think of the places I have had to leave behind, and the millions of goodbyes I've had to say, and the unknown future ahead...... but when I think of all that God has done through me and in me- I am overwhelmed by His greatness. I am satisfied in His presence. When we call on His name, He is listening. Call out to Jesus. Speak His name. He is coming to rescue you. 

HOLD ON- He knows what He's doing.

These last few weeks I have felt like my rope is almost out. My patience is running thin, my love is running out, and my motivation is disappearing. Distractions get in the way, excuses are made, and confusion and chaos seems to win. I have been reminded that Jesus is my Helper. He will get me through and that I can ask Him to fill me up again. I can receive love and patience and grace from Him. I just need to ask. I challenge you this week to HOLD ON. Hold onto Jesus. With everything in you. With ALL of you.

He knows what He's doing. TRUST Him. Let go of all control and the pain from the past and the worries of the future........ Let Him lead and guide. Give your burdens to Him. He has already won. Be satisfied in Him and Him alone. He loves us no matter what. 

Christ is enough for us. He is our everything. He is all we need. Imagine if all you had left was Jesus- Would you still say these words? Do you believe that He is enough for you?

HOLD ON- He knows what He's doing in you, through you, and to you. 

Faith!

I have not written in so long. It feels good to start writing again. I hope to continue my blog focusing more on "just me!" and having an opportunity to share all the faithfulness of God in my life. The first few posts were specifically for a college class assignment and now I hope to just write. Join me as I hope to share my life a little and hopefully challenge you too.

Writing is my passion. I enjoy sharing my life with others. I enjoy talking. I enjoy helping others see how incredible and great our God is. I enjoy seeing others eyes being opened to all the beautiful things God has in store for them. I see such potential in others. God's love is so amazing. I am in awe of His mercy and faithfulness in my life.

Faith? What does it truly mean? What does it mean for you?
Do we honestly seek Christ everyday? Do you?

Faith for me is more than words can describe or possibly explain. It is life. Growing up amongst worlds, between cultures, and missing "homes", I have learned that without faith, I don't know if I'd make it through a day. Learning to let go of ALL that I could be in control of in my life is not an easy lesson...... but once understood and taken the risk to try it- It's beautiful!

Take the risk to let go! Take the risk to LET GOD be the one who controls your life and guides your every move. I am currently on break from college. I get a week off! Breaks are never an easy time for me as I miss India and being with family as most others get that privilege. I have learned however, that through the years- FAITH is what gets me through.

I have faith to believe that each day is in His hands. Each day HE takes care of my family across the world. HE takes care of my every move. I struggle when others have a strict plan on everything they do in their lives. Life seems so much harder when we plan it all ourselves.  It's difficult for me because my life has been forced to accept FAITH. My lifestyle has been ALL about faith each moment. 

I have no idea what my future holds. I have no idea when I get to go home. Will I see my parents this summer? What tomorrow holds. What I will do this summer. Who I will end up marrying? If I ever get married? Where I will live when I'm 22? I have NO idea. But this unknown. This unknown lifestyle and room for GOD TO move. It all becomes a miracle. Every day is a miracle in my eyes. I am lucky and blessed to be alive. Don't get me wrong- this whole lifestyle of not knowing what is to come is extremely SCARY! But it's exciting!!!! It's so wonderful to know that when we give it ALL to God He DOES use us. He does carry us. He wants to use our faith in Him to make a difference. I have realized this recently.


Being away from all that I am used to and basically "studying abroad for 4 years" is a challenge. BUT with God ALL things are possible. Just look back in your life- the past 5 years. Think about all you have come through and learned. God wants us to take risks with Him. He wants to shower us with His plans and His will for our lives. Are we letting Him? Are YOU giving Him room to take control? Are YOU giving Him space? Are YOU taking that risk to LET GO and have the faith that moves mountains. I challenge you to take a step of faith. Get out of your comfort zone. 

Trust me- Life is SO much more of an adventure if we learn to have FAITH in ALL we do.
Experience God today-- Surrender every plan to HIM. Learn to meditate on His Word and He will USE YOU. Have faith that moves mountains- because WITH HIM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

I can proudly say that living outside the box, living completely not in my comfort zone and being forced to just have faith- has blessed me. Life is so exciting!

Just have a little FAITH today. :)