This post comes from a couple months of brewing and not being sure whether to write about it, but here we go. I also hope this helps someone or atleast gets conversations going. That's always the goal in writing these blog posts. I have not sat down and written one in a year! Wow.
I want to start by saying in no way am I writing this in hope I'll be single forever. And in no way am I writing this because I'm angry or something happened recently. I'm just collecting bits of what I hear and feel to put them down for others to know they are not alone. I also realize we usually never write about the things we are going through WHILE we go through them and only reflect in hindsight about things we've learned etc. So, I'm challenging myself to write about the now while I'm in this season. I've never been in such a peaceful season of life and being able to fully enjoy singleness like I have these few years. But it's a topic that's been on my heart and it's time to write about it.
Singleness.
You are not insignificant just because you do not have a significant other, a baby, or own a house.
People seem to think they can say a lot about being single because we were all single once, but wow, I wish people could listen to themselves talk before they spurt out silly questions and unintentional hurtful comments. Our world focuses on success and acheivement and this includes having a spouse and family. Somehow we aren't living fully or we are doing something terribly wrong to not be there yet. I understand as a single person I may have more time, more energy, more freedom, more whatever you think, but I also have less of a lot of things too. And why are we so bothered about comparing anyway?
I've heard so many single friends recently tell me how unimportant they feel just because there are no kids calendar schedules and no meal planning for 6 happening. It's heartbreaking to me that friends don't know what to do with us, families don't know what to do with us, and churches definitely don't know what to do with us. We shouldn't feel like such disappointments and failures just because we haven't found a special someone just yet. I believe you when you tell me it's all amazing yet hard work and exhausting. But why won't you believe me when I tell you this season is amazing and hard work too. I don't really even have time to enjoy it though because people won't let me. I'm constantly reminded how I have more free time, and therefore feel guilty about it. I am constantly reminded how I have an easier life or can sleep whenever I want to, and therefore feel guilty about that too. I'm constantly reminded how alone I must be feeling and how much I'm missing out on, and therefore feel like I'm not enough by just being me. Trust me- I know I have more time and flexibility but don't let me feel ashamed for something I didn't choose or something I don't have yet. We matter too, you know?
I find it so heart-wrenching that churches have no idea what to do with us either. The focus is on kids, youth, students, young couples, new parents, families. We get ignored or placed in the 'we don't know what to do with you' group. They are basically subtly telling the single population that we are not good enough to lead, serve, be invited etc. We can only be complete with a partner. We can only be everything God wants with a union like that. But heck, on our own, nevermind.
The solution? I don't really know to be honest. I just know we need to openly talk more about singleness and all my single friends in the world need to speak up more and voice their hurts and frustrations. Or I guess if they don't- I will- on behalf of them all. Haha.
We matter too...... we are an integral part of society. I'm tired of proving that this season is important too. To grow. To learn. To understand myself more. To learn to be more like Him. To be a better human.....There are many advantages to being single- trust me- but don't remind me continually that better days are coming just because they have for you. How do you know that? And why presume my days are not already in the better category?
My life group is studying James at the moment and I'm learning so much.
James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above...."
- "Even my singleness". How can this season be a gift though? Well- because God's plans are so much wider and bigger than ours. And He means what He says. He will never abandon us. We are complete in Him. We are enough in Him. He calls us to love Him and others. I will do just that. I will enjoy what He's given me- if you let me...... until the next gift of someone else comes along.
Just because I am single does not mean I am lonely all the time.
Just because I am single does not mean I can't live well or live a full life.
We matter too.
I can't wait to experience what's to come, but I'm so challenged to remember to live NOW and enjoy every good and perfect gift while I'm in it......
