Phew, it's been a long time since I've last blogged.
It's always nice to spend some time writing though. So, instead of making this a perfect post, I wanted to publish it before it just sat in the drafts for another few weeks. Some raw stuff here but hopefully someone understands my crazy thoughts or atleast learns one thing from my chaotic rambles.....
The grass is always greener, right?
I've heard every version of "just wait until...." or "don't worry, it'll happen" or "just if you...." or "you're so lucky to have......" or "wow, I wish I had that...".....
Yikes. One thing I've learned recently is that the grass will always seem brighter and better and greener on the other side. But wow do we waste time wishing and wanting and hoping and dreaming instead of soaking in the present. Living in the present. Being present in every season God asks us to endure. He doesn't just throw us in difficult and watch for fun to see what happens. He is near and walking beside us if we choose to listen and see Him. He watches to see if we turn to Him instead of the world.
I'm not saying life can't be hard or you can't find yourself hoping for better days. (Trust me, my ache for better days and just 'easier anything' is intense). But, I am saying don't wish away the present. Whatever the present may be..... BE in it. Live it. Accept it.
Remember that you don't know what others are going through on the inside so always be kind and considerate. Comparing life stages or life in general is just so not worth it. The grass may look greener but you don't really know what is truly going on underneath. Or you may not know what someone has been pleading to God for that YOU just got or have.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens." James 1:17. Ahh, I LOVE that verse. Everything I have or the blessings I get are all gifts from HIM. Every single one. I don't deserve this life at all, yet He chooses to bless me.
And maybe you struggle with being excited for SO much good news all around you when life for you right now is a bit mehh. I've been challenged with this recently as friends are getting dream jobs, buying houses, getting married, having children, starting their mission abroad ..... etc and I find myself in this odd season of, "hello, God?" But life isn't about all those things. Those are gifts. Life isn't about us.
It's exhausting to always be the happy good friend. Haha. I had to realize my selfishness and that I need the Lord's strength and grace to be genuinely thrilled and over the moon for friends or family with good news, but understand His grace for me too. I don't have to carry anything by myself. I am not Jesus and I don't have to have it altogether just cuz I'm the good friend. I can show raw emotion when I need.
I expressed to a friend recently about how I feel like everyone is on a train and it's moving and they are going places and life is moving on.... and somehow I'm out stuck at some station and nothing is happening. They instantly pointed out to me the fact that they didn't see me as 'stuck' but on a fascinating exploration with Jesus and everyone else was missing out. It made me laugh but after a few days of processing this I was stunned by how the Lord used this person and her thought to impact me. Woah. A change in perspective was truly needed. I am on an important exploration with Jesus and I'm not stuck. I'm just chilling on the sidelines for a while and growing deeper in the understanding of my Saviour and His great love for me. His will for my life is different to those on the moving train. Let Him be in control and don't get ahead of Him.
My name 'Sumita' means 'good friend'. God has really humoured me with this recently as I feel like my main purpose in this odd season is to try to be a good friend. My purpose right now is to live up to my name and glorify God through supporting others. No matter what. Continually rejoicing with others in their good news and supporting others in their struggles.
In kids church on Sunday I asked the question, "Why did God create us?" Kids are so incredible that they say exactly what they mean. A sweet kiddo raised her hand eagerly and said, "Because we are so loved by Him and we have to share about Him to others. That's like the whole point."
My heart was so overjoyed by this answer. Tiny children speaking truth and blessing me. Every time! Love them. We weren't just created to rule the Earth and take care of it, but we were created in His image to glorify Him and be loved by Him; sharing about His goodness and faithfulness in our lives to others. Phew, what a calling and purpose.
The grass may always be greener, but is it where I should have my gaze to begin with? My eyes need to be fully on Him and pointed to His perfect calling and plan for my life. Not what someone else thinks or not even what I think. I can't recall the number of times I can thank God for rescuing me from what I thought was a brilliant plan or idea or future decision. Haha. He knows best. Rest in that and just be present. Live. I've had some real raw feelings recently about my own birth story and why a mother wouldn't want her child. This has come about more recently for me because so many of my closest friends or family members are having their own babies and there is so much love and excitement there. So much care and love for a little human and so many little humans, like me, were not wanted. Phew, I've had to change my perspective and negative thinking and turn to Jesus time and time again as I wrestle with these raw emotions. Only He can satisfy. My birth mum definitely wanted me, but she was brave to love me so much to give me up knowing she couldn't fully take care of me the way she wanted. I have no words about that and I usually have many words about everything.....Haha. Thank you Ma.
So, maybe the grass is always greener......but don't look there. Look at the exploration you are on with the Lord. Where are you going with Him? Where does your heart go when you need restoration? Struggling with that newborn? Turn to Jesus. Struggling with loneliness? Turn to Jesus. Struggling with being too free or too busy? Turn to Jesus. Struggling with work? Turn to Jesus. Struggling in your marriage? Turn to Jesus. What are you learning about yourself? Maybe you long for the greener grass days- well, cling to Jesus and He truly will provide all you actually need. He knows your desires. He doesn't usually grant them to us in the way or time we think. He is preparing the way. Let Him. Walk with Him. Live in the present even if you are itching to get on that train and get moving.....
"It's sweet mercy when we can't survive apart from surrender. You're not falling apart friend. You're falling into the place He's prepared and marked out for you." -Ruth Chou Simons
