Do you ever wonder what God is doing?
Do you ever wonder why some prayers get answered and others don't?
Do you ever wonder if God has forgotten you?
Do you ever think: "This must be it. It will never get better"
Do you ever ask, "Why me, God?"
I've wrestled with these questions at some point in my life and I'm sure if you are reading this- most of you have too- at some point in your life. I wonder sometimes why life is the way it is. I never expected to be where I am in my life right now. It's so easy to look at others lives and wish you had what you think they do. So easy to think it'll never happen for you. So easy to look at others and only see what you see, therefore only seeing all the laughter, house buying, jobs, weddings, children, dreams coming true, successful businesses or ministries and adventures happening.... and not the pain, loss, grief, arguments and hidden fears. Facebook and Instagram are not honest places to always see how people are really doing behind their door. You know what I mean- the no make-up, no cameras, no filter moments. Reality. I'm guilty of that too. Who wants to share the terrible, horrible moments for all to see?
People don't like to share what's really going on. I understand that. It's normal and for some their personality and that's okay! Life is private and pain is private. Living here now in The Netherlands for about 10 weeks, I've noticed my open-book and emotional personality is not always welcome or seen as respectable. But what if my normal means tears and messy deep conversations? I have been to church in-person a few times and every time I have cried during worship. I have spoken quite openly with people about how I am doing and usually end up in a puddle of tears then too. I am not afraid to show that life is messy and emotions are real. I feel sorry for those around me at those moments, especially because usually they are strangers or new friends. But I do hope someone reading this today can feel a sense of freedom in knowing it's really okay to not be okay. To open up. To rub people the wrong way sometimes. Be real. Be you. Whatever that looks like.
I've had a lot of time to think and dig into the Word these days. I'm grateful for that. I realized the Lord has already been victorious in so many ways in my life. I am overwhelmed by His goodness and mercies. SO many dreams have already come true. So many miracles happened already. So many promises fulfilled. AND I'm not entitled to anything and I don't deserve a thing. Everything I have is because of Jesus. Everything. I am definitely learning to be more grateful and learning a lot about humility too. I'm not called to an easy life, I'm called to glorify Jesus and share about all His goodness to me.
I was sitting in church and they were singing this song in Dutch and I realized tears rolling down my face. The words on the screen were in English thankfully and I could follow along. Some of the lyrics: "No other name is higher, Lord of All. Oh King of Kings You will reign on high. Forever and glorious. Nothing can withstand the power of Your mighty Name. Jesus victorious."
What powerful words. Jesus is victorious. The words are even better in Dutch which is why I have both songs below for you to listen to. :) Jezus Overwinnar ! How cool is that.
I was reminded that I need to surrender all. I need help to put His will and His purpose ahead of my own. I need to not compare my 'chapter 5 to someone else's chapter 25'. I need to be okay with the way God made me. I need to realize there is strength in my tears and pain even if the world views it as weak and unstable. I need to wait humbly and let God work. He always works. He is a promise keeper. He is a way-maker. He is working even when I can't feel it or see it. Even when my pride takes over, He still loves and is working on my behalf. I encourage you to surrender everything to Him again. He is with you in the midst of the darkness. He is with you in the good and bad. His arms are open wide, run to Him. He knows your pain, be it in open with others or in private behind the closed doors. Bring it to Him. Weeping may tarry through the night, but joy will come in the morning.
Jesus victorious. Jezus Overwinnar !
Our God is a God of mystery and He won't always answer us in the ways we expect or hope or dream. The answers to the questions and wonderings above are in the character of Jesus. He is our strong tower. He is all we need. It's because He holds the map and the big picture. There is so much joy found in knowing Him. He knows our desires and dreams. Life would be so very boring if we always knew what was going to be next or why certain things happen to us. He never fails. He won't fail you now.....
“God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God’s refusals are always merciful — “severe mercies” at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.” ― Elisabeth Elliot
