I have not written a blog post in so long! Trying to juggle Grad school work, full-time teaching, and having some kind of social life has been more of a challenge than I thought. Haha.
As many people around me prepare to go back 'home' and say farewell to this place, it has made me realize how this feeling of staying is very unusual to me. Firstly, 'home' is a strange word for me. I'm never quite sure how to answer the question, "Where is home?" Secondly, I love packing and moving and seeing new places. And thirdly, change is tough for those that stay too. I never realized that until I was the one staying. I guess our focus is always on those leaving as we will miss them when they are gone. A few of my best friends I've made here in Cambodia are leaving in June- I have had over 50 roommates in my life (boarding school, college, single-life housing as a teacher) yet it never gets easier to say goodbye to people. I know the Lord has amazing plans ahead for each person I've had the privilege to meet here. I know He goes before and walks beside. I need to believe He is doing the same for me. I have multiple times hugged my parents goodbye, yet that doesn't get easier either. I'm so relieved to know that many of these dear friends and incredible people leaving, I will get to see again. And if not, I am relieved to hear and believe that our real home is Heaven and what a party we will have there! The Lord always gives me opportunities to see people. I keep forgetting His faithfulness.
I am normally the one packing suitcases and leaving a country or place. I get excited for new adventures and trips. I used to pack a suitcase on a weekend just for fun and pretend I was going somewhere to calm myself down. People used to laugh at me, yet little did they know how restless and uneasy I felt. It's like I have a timer in me that rings every few months saying, "get on a plane!"
My devotional book this week, written by Marie Chapian, kept on talking about change and how we react to it. Here is an excerpt from some verses in the Bible she paraphrased:
"If you feel lost when faced with the threat of change and your sense of security is challenged, understand that you can't lose something that's solidly fixed inside you. Change may be difficult, but when you enter the experience of change with Me, you'll see what's within you is permanent.
Change is temporary. Faith, love, truth, the attributes of heaven- these you can't dislodge through changes of circumstances. My spirit in you won't slip away or become something else. I'm leading you in a new adventure of faith, dear one. Don't be afraid." (Matthew 17:5; Romans 5:3-4; Isaiah 12:2; James 1:17; Hebrews 13:8).
When I read this, I was overwhelmed by the clear message stated through these verses. God never changes. He can always be trusted. We should never be afraid of what is next for us. His plans are always way bigger and better than we think or could ever even imagine. So whatever season you are in- Trust Him. Trust that He has the best in store for You. Trust that He will never leave your side even when the people we love do. Don't be afraid for He is with You.
I have been struggling recently with many negative thoughts and a song played to me during my weekly counseling session really spoke to me. Every word was so real and exactly how I felt. I work too hard to try to prove what? He is always enough. Why do I spend so much time worrying? Why do I spend so much time feeling anxious? Why do I spend so much time wondering if others accept me or like me or even want to hang out? He never wants us to prove anything, but just to live our lives for Him. Listen to the lyrics and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you too. Rest easy, my soul. He has already gone before. We are already His. Thank you dear Jesus.
REST EASY by Andrew Peterson
