God, Grace, and Gratitude

God

God helped me. The year 2017 has flown by. I can't believe I have lived in Cambodia for most of it. I escaped the heat in the summer for my brother's wedding and got to visit with dear college friends. So much has happened this year. I've traveled across oceans. I've taught precious children. I've grown to love Asia more every day. I've made new friends. I've grown in my faith as I've struggled with anxiety and my identity. There have been great transitions for my family too- my parents moving and now living in Holland. My brother getting married. God has helped me. God has helped me enjoy this year and realize I need to constantly call out to Him for help. This life isn't easy, yet He always provides just what we need. I'm happy to be here in Den Haag right now with my whole family ending the year together.

This year has been a shock to my system as I've realized my lack of taking care of myself. Health issues have come up one after the other. However, the Lord has continued to remind me of His faithfulness in my life. He has given me all the support I need through His Word, His still small voice, and through others. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed just thinking of how He mapped the way for me to be in the family I'm in. Tears begin to form in my eyes. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. I have made such incredible friends in Phnom Penh. They have helped me. He is King and I am His daughter. That will never change. He will never change. As we look into 2018...... I want to remind you to continue to cling to His promises. Cling to His faithfulness. He is faithful.

Grace

The Lord is so full of Grace. He knows just how much we can take. There are days that may feel like more than we can imagine or bear or handle.... but during those days, weeks, and months, He wants us to reach out for Him even more. He freely gives us his Grace. He wants us to ask Him for help. He never expects us to do this life alone. Yes, I'm single and am reminded of it every day, however, the Lord calms my restless heart. He gives me Grace. He continues to transform my mind and fill me with His Love. We are complete in Him. He has a perfect plan for the future. I need to learn to fix my eyes on Jesus. Every day. No one else can satisfy. We sing lyrics like that on Sunday. Do we truly mean them? I hope this new year, I can be reminded daily that the Lord is full of Grace. That He fully satisfies every craving of my heart. How amazing is that! Thank you Jesus.

Gratitude 

Thankfulness. Gratitude. I get easily overwhelmed by how far the Lord has brought me. From not thinking I'd graduate high school and crying during German homework to being accepted into Grad School and full-time teaching now for over 2 years..... Wow! We really can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength. The Lord always knows best. He carries us in the Palm of His mighty Hand and guides our ever step. We just need to trust Him. We need to spend time listening to Him. We need to spend time in His Word. 

Below is one of my favorite songs. God has helped. We will continue to help. HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

I'm excited for 2018 and all that will unfold. The best is yet to come!

Isaiah 43:19 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." 

Farewell to Fear

This is my Farewell to Fear.

The last few months have been crazy. If you know me well..... you know I can get emotional and I cry easily. Ha-ha (insert awkward Sumi giggle). Well, the last couple weeks have been out of control. I've felt so defeated, so alone, and so lost some days. And then other days, I've felt alive, supported, loved, and in awe. My mind plays tricks on me time and time again allowing me to believe Satan's lies. I'm learning to discern His still small voice. I'm learning to spend quiet moments with the Lord and listen carefully. His peace is real. Peace is freedom. He has set us free. He has already won the war. Yes, there are battles that are being fought everyday. But Jesus already won! We don't need to dwell in our anxiety and fear. We need to dwell in His perfect peace and love. Easier said than done.

Some days, He's so silent. He's so distant. I know..... I cry out loudly to Him for help....... and yet He feels so far. I know He's listening. I know He's holding my life in the Palm of His perfect righteous Hand. I'm freakin' still here! Living. Alive. Breathing. Walking. Talking. (Thank you Jesus!) He made this universe. He made YOU. He made me, yet, I continue to doubt Him. I continue to be engulfed in fear. Fear that makes it impossible to sleep some nights. Fear that echoes loudly in my ears. Fear that diminishes all sense of motivation and willingness to keep moving forward. Fear that allows me to compare constantly with those around me allowing me to feel less than enough. FEAR. It suffocates life. GET RID OF IT! 

: "an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of pain, danger, or harm". Fright. Panic. Distress.

Goodbye FEAR. Farewell. I know you'll creep in sometimes still, yet I'm ready. I'm ready to let all the walls down. I'm ready to let you go. I'm ready to tell my heart to beat again- with truth.

Change happens when WE make the choice. When we choose Truth. For those that are reading this that need to be set free from the fear that engulfs every choice during the day...... The fear of others approval. The fear of not fitting in. The fear of the unknown future. The fear of feeling alone every night..... Try these three simple steps with me:

1. Choose truth- choose not to allow fear to control your life (Meditate on Scripture)
2. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Protect it. (Pray for this protection)
3. Focus on Jesus. Focus on Him when uncertainty or disappointment come your way. (Lift up your eyes to Jesus and allow others to help you on your journey) Don't be stubborn- it just wastes time. Trust me on that one. :)

 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

We're not in this alone. He promises to strengthen and help us.

Psalm 91:4-5 
"He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day... "

Notice the Lord promises not a maybe.... not just sometimes.... or only on Sundays..... HE WILL cover you. HE WILL provide a refuge, His faithfulness WILL be a shield. We DO NOT need to fear. We are fully embraced by our loving King. Focus on Jesus when Satan tries to prowl. Choose truth. Choose PEACE.

: "freedom from disturbance" Tranquility. Calmness. Stillness. Rest. Jesus 

"Bring it on roller coaster!"

Ever felt like you've had enough? Ever been told, "Don't worry, God will never give you more than you can handle?" Hmm. Sounds all too familiar to me. I've definitely felt like I'm on a roller coaster ride. However, it's just everyday life. A journey. An unexpected journey. You never know what's around the next corner.

I've been thinking recently how overwhelming it is for me to think back in my life and remember His constant faithfulness and guidance. I am overwhelmed by His Love for me. I am overjoyed at the multiple chances of life I've been given. I am grateful for the people and places He's brought into my life. Some days I feel waves of gratitude and some days I feel nauseous. Life is a roller coaster ride. It has so many ups and downs and twists. It sometimes takes you upside down and holds you there for a couple seconds. Just like this ride I went on this past summer. :) Satan hopes you'll fall or begin to doubt. God hopes you'll hang on a little tighter and trust Him. 

Life is not easy, however, Jesus never called us to a life of easy. He called us to a life with Him. A life where we can fully be in His presence and seek Him to guide and help us along the tricky turning points and unexpected detours. I have been studying the Armor of God and have enjoyed gaining new insights about how we need to be alert, active, and strategic as our enemy is powerful and on the prowl. I've definitely felt the darkness of the enemy's prowling recently. The devil can keep attacking, however, I know who stands beside me. Whom shall I fear?

I'm learning to enjoy this journey. Even through the upside down holding in place moments. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy being held upside down for a little while.While you're upside down: PRAY. Prayer is a powerful weapon. Stand firm in the Lord. He is your strength. He is enough for You. He never fails us. He never lets us down. He will never let us walk this life alone. He is in charge of that roller coaster. Trust Him.

It has taken me many years to fully believe that He knows best. Time and time again He reminds us or gives us a wake up call to help jog our memory about who is in control. When life hits you harder than words can express- Trust Him. When life hits you so hard all you have left are floods of tears...... Know that Jesus is there. Through it all. Every time - Jesus is there.

Thank you Jesus for being the Guide. Satan can try to destroy us. Satan can attempt his plan, however, I know who the battle already belongs to. It has already been WON. Praise the Lord!! Don't be anxious about the roller coaster that life brings us. Scream out in a bold voice: "Bring it on roller coaster!" 

Mangoes, Mosquitoes, and Motos in March.

Alliteration. A topic my students have really enjoyed this week. I'd love to update all who read this and encourage those I am able to. Enjoy!

Mangoes: are delicious and especially delicious if living in Cambodia. I am grateful for the amazing fruit sold year-round. Mangoes remind me to never judge a book by its cover. You can't always determine a good mango by its outer skin. This month I've been reminded to let God be God and allow Him to judge and be in control. This determining a mango analogy goes for people too. Looking at someone's outward actions doesn't always reflect their inward feelings or what they hope and try to express. I am learning to show Jesus no matter what and no matter how someone else treats me. I need to show His Love all the time. And when I mess up, which is extremely often, I need to forgive like Jesus taught us. In everything that comes out of my mouth and in every action- I need to show His perfect Love. It has been a wonderful challenge to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). I have felt such uplifting joy each day. I am learning to place my burdens at the Cross completely. What an incredible difference this makes to my everyday attitude!

Mosquitoes: millions of miserable mosquitoes. Ugh!! My classroom is full of them too. They continually remind me of how life is not comfortable. It's not supposed to be. Having these pests as true companions everywhere I go reminds me to be grateful for the little things. I went to buy a mosquito tennis racket killing bat with my housemate this week. They are amazing bodyguards. They zap mosquitoes in seconds and I can practice my tennis stroke. :) I'm grateful for the little things in life like a mosquito killing weapon and for an AC room with screens on every window.

Motos: motos are everywhere in Phnom Penh. Everyone uses them and families pile on as it's the quickest way to get around. You can even moto-dope (moto-driver). This means I can get a moto ride by sitting on the back, as a taxi service, to take me places. Motos are convenient, useful, and quick, although dangerous. The traffic is busy and congested. I am reminded each day how different Cambodia is to other places I've lived. Even though I spent 18 years of my life living in Asia- there are so many differences. This constant reminder of culture differences makes me even more grateful for the privilege to be here. I am grateful for the beautiful people of this country and their genuine hearts. I am grateful for the chaos on the streets as I continually pray for this nation. This is home.

The month of March: March is looooong for all teachers. I enjoy teaching here and building strong relationships with my students and their families. I love their stories. I love my students genuine hearts and eagerness to learn about the world and about Jesus. They have taught me so much so far this year. This month will always be a long one but a fruitful one. People tell me off for 'having no life' or 'making work my life'. However, God has always placed in my heart a power button of 150%. I love giving it all I got in everything I do. I don't view it as 'work is life'. I view it as 'Alive in Christ to do His work.' Of course, I'm going to give it all I got no matter what it is before me. His Grace is always enough and His timing is always best. Yes, I need to continue to learn about making boundaries and taking care of myself. He wants that for us too! However, I am content in working hard and seeking Him first in whatever I do. We have not been created to please others. We've been created to glorify Jesus and Shine His Name. Sin is defeated. Jesus has already overcome. I want to be more like YOU Jesus. Continue to shape me and mould me to become more like you. 

Nothing is impossible with Christ. Believe that for yourself today. His faithfulness never ends. He always protects. Always helps. Always guides. Trust in His Name and His plan for YOU! He always knows best. Whatever it is you are facing- Jesus knows. He is fighting for YOU. He is moving and listening. Always.

Prayer Points:
1. For the last stretch of school (3 months!)
2. My class and each student as they seek Jesus
3. For my housemates :)
4. For Cambodia and those that are hurting and broken
5. For HOPE school and provision and wisdom 
6. For my parents as they've moved to Holland
7. For my dear cousin, Jesse, who is recovering from a coma
8. For my time management skills and full nights of sleep!
9. For protection from the heat and hot season (to stay healthy)
10. For extra grace, strength, and patience everyday.

Saturday relaxation by the pool with friends and a drink.

Had the privilege of coaching basketball to these beautiful high-schoolers. Posing after our first win!

Housemates ready for Sports Day cheering on our teams!

New grass field at school!

The neighbors mischievous cat slowing down my departure to school.

Russian Market colorful Japanese pottery.

Amazing friends over for fun, dinner, and games!!

Moto drivers holding onto bags of things

 Come visit me! Come work at HOPE! Come to Cambodia!
Visit the website and view the cool video. (I'm in it!)