Unexpected Adventures

Wow- what an unexpected summer it has been. I am so full of gratitude and awe. 

As I have three days left in the beautiful Netherlands, I look back to the past 7 weeks and how much the Lord has brought me through in such a short amount of time.

I ended the school year stressed, physically unwell, and exhausted. I had just said goodbye to some best friends in Cambodia and realize that the new year will not be the same. I should be used to saying goodbye, but it seriously keeps getting harder. God knows.

I was anxious for what lay ahead and the mountains to climb alone. Yet, that was exactly the problem- I was not alone! During my week in London, I was anxious about getting to see all the people I wanted to. It was so precious to spend time with my brother, sister-in-law and high school friend getting married. I was nervous I would miss connecting flights and not even make it to the first day of classes in Kandern. I was nervous about living in Germany by myself and failing Grad school. I was scared about the unknown and if I could really do all this- Grad school intensives (12 credit hours in 4 weeks, four different courses). God knew better.

If you know me well enough, you'd understand all these nerves are not dramatic. They are real. You'd also know that Grad school was really not on my radar. Haha. God knew better.
Well, I've been in many weddings and this one was extra special as the bride was a dear friend from boarding school. It was so unbelievable I could be there to celebrate with her. I enjoyed seeing everyone and being such a big part of the wedding set up. What a beautiful day it was! I then stressfully got myself on a plane to Basel, Switzerland to meet someone I knew the name of but never met before.

This little town in Germany was not what I expected. It was everything I needed though. The quiet ghost-like hills and black-forest surrounding me was like living in a fairytale for the first time in my life. I never felt so at peace with people I had never met before. The house I lived in was from the cover of a an IKEA magazine. It was breathtaking and I was pleasantly surprised to be sharing it with another dear classmate whom I call a close friend. Learning together with people from all over the world and teachers who have similar passions to me was inspiring. Getting to share in experiences that to some are crazy but to a classroom full of international educators and administrators was normal. I didn't feel alone after all. I realized that the world is a small place and that I am capable of more than I think. 

Another great unexpected surprise was how well I was doing in my classes. I always struggled in school and had to work unbelievably hard to get an A or B in anything. The Lord shocked me. He really wanted me to gain confidence in myself to believe that I can teach. To believe that I can do this. To believe that I'm not "stupid" or "ugly" or "unwanted" or "not good-enough". In the past, these words were thrown at me often and sometimes just repeated in my own head. I knew they were lies, but could never accept anything differently. God really broke down some walls and barriers this summer. He made me see myself through His eyes. And wow- that was overwhelming. The Lord provided great friends in a matter of a month. He truly knows best. 

The greatest unexpected adventure was of course my friend from College coming to visit me in Europe. We got to check off our bucket list of traveling together. We got to experience new things and places. What a joy it was to share with her some of my 'normal'. It was a joy to have her see my different worlds and meet old and new friends. Of course, my vacation ended with spending time with my dear parents in their home. I am more and more grateful for them as I grow up and see so many students who don't have the support and Godly examples I have.

I am just in awe of the Lord's surprises this summer! He always has the best in store if we let Him lead us. I am so ready now to continue the work He has called me to in Cambodia. And yes, I may be exhausted and tired after a full summer of supposedly relaxing and resting, but every minute was so worth it. Everyday is a journey and a step towards improving myself and becoming more like Christ. I fail everyday, yet I know He continues to remain faithful to me. Thank you Jesus for everything you have showed me this summer. My heart is full of gratitude and peace. I can't thank you enough.

Focus on Jesus. Look up today and realize how much He has done for you. Even through the unthinkable and challenging moments, He always knows best. Trust Him. 

Wedding Fun! Stunning Bride!

Zee Black Forest 

Hiking trips with new friends!

Travels to France

Beautiful France!

Best Friend adventures in Amsterdam

Learning to "Rest Easy"

I have not written a blog post in so long! Trying to juggle Grad school work, full-time teaching, and having some kind of social life has been more of a challenge than I thought. Haha.

As many people around me prepare to go back 'home' and say farewell to this place, it has made me realize how this feeling of staying is very unusual to me. Firstly, 'home' is a strange word for me. I'm never quite sure how to answer the question, "Where is home?" Secondly, I love packing and moving and seeing new places. And thirdly, change is tough for those that stay too. I never realized that until I was the one staying. I guess our focus is always on those leaving as we will miss them when they are gone. A few of my best friends I've made here in Cambodia are leaving in June- I have had over 50 roommates in my life (boarding school, college, single-life housing as a teacher) yet it never gets easier to say goodbye to people. I know the Lord has amazing plans ahead for each person I've had the privilege to meet here. I know He goes before and walks beside. I need to believe He is doing the same for me. I have multiple times hugged my parents goodbye, yet that doesn't get easier either. I'm so relieved to know that many of these dear friends and incredible people leaving, I will get to see again. And if not, I am relieved to hear and believe that our real home is Heaven and what a party we will have there! The Lord always gives me opportunities to see people. I keep forgetting His faithfulness. 

I am normally the one packing suitcases and leaving a country or place. I get excited for new adventures and trips. I used to pack a suitcase on a weekend just for fun and pretend I was going somewhere to calm myself down. People used to laugh at me, yet little did they know how restless and uneasy I felt. It's like I have a timer in me that rings every few months saying, "get on a plane!"

My devotional book this week, written by Marie Chapian, kept on talking about change and how we react to it. Here is an excerpt from some verses in the Bible she paraphrased:

"If you feel lost when faced with the threat of change and your sense of security is challenged, understand that you can't lose something that's solidly fixed inside you. Change may be difficult, but when you enter the experience of change with Me, you'll see what's within you is permanent.
Change is temporary. Faith, love, truth, the attributes of heaven- these you can't dislodge through changes of circumstances. My spirit in you won't slip away or become something else. I'm leading you in a new adventure of faith, dear one. Don't be afraid." (Matthew 17:5; Romans 5:3-4; Isaiah 12:2; James 1:17; Hebrews 13:8).

When I read this, I was overwhelmed by the clear message stated through these verses. God never changes. He can always be trusted. We should never be afraid of what is next for us. His plans are always way bigger and better than we think or could ever even imagine. So whatever season you are in- Trust Him. Trust that He has the best in store for You. Trust that He will never leave your side even when the people we love do. Don't be afraid for He is with You. 

I have been struggling recently with many negative thoughts and a song played to me during my weekly counseling session really spoke to me. Every word was so real and exactly how I felt. I work too hard to try to prove what? He is always enough. Why do I spend so much time worrying? Why do I spend so much time feeling anxious? Why do I spend so much time wondering if others accept me or like me or even want to hang out? He never wants us to prove anything, but just to live our lives for Him. Listen to the lyrics and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you too. Rest easy, my soul. He has already gone before. We are already His. Thank you dear Jesus.

REST EASY by Andrew Peterson

God, Grace, and Gratitude

God

God helped me. The year 2017 has flown by. I can't believe I have lived in Cambodia for most of it. I escaped the heat in the summer for my brother's wedding and got to visit with dear college friends. So much has happened this year. I've traveled across oceans. I've taught precious children. I've grown to love Asia more every day. I've made new friends. I've grown in my faith as I've struggled with anxiety and my identity. There have been great transitions for my family too- my parents moving and now living in Holland. My brother getting married. God has helped me. God has helped me enjoy this year and realize I need to constantly call out to Him for help. This life isn't easy, yet He always provides just what we need. I'm happy to be here in Den Haag right now with my whole family ending the year together.

This year has been a shock to my system as I've realized my lack of taking care of myself. Health issues have come up one after the other. However, the Lord has continued to remind me of His faithfulness in my life. He has given me all the support I need through His Word, His still small voice, and through others. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed just thinking of how He mapped the way for me to be in the family I'm in. Tears begin to form in my eyes. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. I have made such incredible friends in Phnom Penh. They have helped me. He is King and I am His daughter. That will never change. He will never change. As we look into 2018...... I want to remind you to continue to cling to His promises. Cling to His faithfulness. He is faithful.

Grace

The Lord is so full of Grace. He knows just how much we can take. There are days that may feel like more than we can imagine or bear or handle.... but during those days, weeks, and months, He wants us to reach out for Him even more. He freely gives us his Grace. He wants us to ask Him for help. He never expects us to do this life alone. Yes, I'm single and am reminded of it every day, however, the Lord calms my restless heart. He gives me Grace. He continues to transform my mind and fill me with His Love. We are complete in Him. He has a perfect plan for the future. I need to learn to fix my eyes on Jesus. Every day. No one else can satisfy. We sing lyrics like that on Sunday. Do we truly mean them? I hope this new year, I can be reminded daily that the Lord is full of Grace. That He fully satisfies every craving of my heart. How amazing is that! Thank you Jesus.

Gratitude 

Thankfulness. Gratitude. I get easily overwhelmed by how far the Lord has brought me. From not thinking I'd graduate high school and crying during German homework to being accepted into Grad School and full-time teaching now for over 2 years..... Wow! We really can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength. The Lord always knows best. He carries us in the Palm of His mighty Hand and guides our ever step. We just need to trust Him. We need to spend time listening to Him. We need to spend time in His Word. 

Below is one of my favorite songs. God has helped. We will continue to help. HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

I'm excited for 2018 and all that will unfold. The best is yet to come!

Isaiah 43:19 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." 

Farewell to Fear

This is my Farewell to Fear.

The last few months have been crazy. If you know me well..... you know I can get emotional and I cry easily. Ha-ha (insert awkward Sumi giggle). Well, the last couple weeks have been out of control. I've felt so defeated, so alone, and so lost some days. And then other days, I've felt alive, supported, loved, and in awe. My mind plays tricks on me time and time again allowing me to believe Satan's lies. I'm learning to discern His still small voice. I'm learning to spend quiet moments with the Lord and listen carefully. His peace is real. Peace is freedom. He has set us free. He has already won the war. Yes, there are battles that are being fought everyday. But Jesus already won! We don't need to dwell in our anxiety and fear. We need to dwell in His perfect peace and love. Easier said than done.

Some days, He's so silent. He's so distant. I know..... I cry out loudly to Him for help....... and yet He feels so far. I know He's listening. I know He's holding my life in the Palm of His perfect righteous Hand. I'm freakin' still here! Living. Alive. Breathing. Walking. Talking. (Thank you Jesus!) He made this universe. He made YOU. He made me, yet, I continue to doubt Him. I continue to be engulfed in fear. Fear that makes it impossible to sleep some nights. Fear that echoes loudly in my ears. Fear that diminishes all sense of motivation and willingness to keep moving forward. Fear that allows me to compare constantly with those around me allowing me to feel less than enough. FEAR. It suffocates life. GET RID OF IT! 

: "an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of pain, danger, or harm". Fright. Panic. Distress.

Goodbye FEAR. Farewell. I know you'll creep in sometimes still, yet I'm ready. I'm ready to let all the walls down. I'm ready to let you go. I'm ready to tell my heart to beat again- with truth.

Change happens when WE make the choice. When we choose Truth. For those that are reading this that need to be set free from the fear that engulfs every choice during the day...... The fear of others approval. The fear of not fitting in. The fear of the unknown future. The fear of feeling alone every night..... Try these three simple steps with me:

1. Choose truth- choose not to allow fear to control your life (Meditate on Scripture)
2. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Protect it. (Pray for this protection)
3. Focus on Jesus. Focus on Him when uncertainty or disappointment come your way. (Lift up your eyes to Jesus and allow others to help you on your journey) Don't be stubborn- it just wastes time. Trust me on that one. :)

 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

We're not in this alone. He promises to strengthen and help us.

Psalm 91:4-5 
"He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day... "

Notice the Lord promises not a maybe.... not just sometimes.... or only on Sundays..... HE WILL cover you. HE WILL provide a refuge, His faithfulness WILL be a shield. We DO NOT need to fear. We are fully embraced by our loving King. Focus on Jesus when Satan tries to prowl. Choose truth. Choose PEACE.

: "freedom from disturbance" Tranquility. Calmness. Stillness. Rest. Jesus 

"Bring it on roller coaster!"

Ever felt like you've had enough? Ever been told, "Don't worry, God will never give you more than you can handle?" Hmm. Sounds all too familiar to me. I've definitely felt like I'm on a roller coaster ride. However, it's just everyday life. A journey. An unexpected journey. You never know what's around the next corner.

I've been thinking recently how overwhelming it is for me to think back in my life and remember His constant faithfulness and guidance. I am overwhelmed by His Love for me. I am overjoyed at the multiple chances of life I've been given. I am grateful for the people and places He's brought into my life. Some days I feel waves of gratitude and some days I feel nauseous. Life is a roller coaster ride. It has so many ups and downs and twists. It sometimes takes you upside down and holds you there for a couple seconds. Just like this ride I went on this past summer. :) Satan hopes you'll fall or begin to doubt. God hopes you'll hang on a little tighter and trust Him. 

Life is not easy, however, Jesus never called us to a life of easy. He called us to a life with Him. A life where we can fully be in His presence and seek Him to guide and help us along the tricky turning points and unexpected detours. I have been studying the Armor of God and have enjoyed gaining new insights about how we need to be alert, active, and strategic as our enemy is powerful and on the prowl. I've definitely felt the darkness of the enemy's prowling recently. The devil can keep attacking, however, I know who stands beside me. Whom shall I fear?

I'm learning to enjoy this journey. Even through the upside down holding in place moments. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy being held upside down for a little while.While you're upside down: PRAY. Prayer is a powerful weapon. Stand firm in the Lord. He is your strength. He is enough for You. He never fails us. He never lets us down. He will never let us walk this life alone. He is in charge of that roller coaster. Trust Him.

It has taken me many years to fully believe that He knows best. Time and time again He reminds us or gives us a wake up call to help jog our memory about who is in control. When life hits you harder than words can express- Trust Him. When life hits you so hard all you have left are floods of tears...... Know that Jesus is there. Through it all. Every time - Jesus is there.

Thank you Jesus for being the Guide. Satan can try to destroy us. Satan can attempt his plan, however, I know who the battle already belongs to. It has already been WON. Praise the Lord!! Don't be anxious about the roller coaster that life brings us. Scream out in a bold voice: "Bring it on roller coaster!" 

Mangoes, Mosquitoes, and Motos in March.

Alliteration. A topic my students have really enjoyed this week. I'd love to update all who read this and encourage those I am able to. Enjoy!

Mangoes: are delicious and especially delicious if living in Cambodia. I am grateful for the amazing fruit sold year-round. Mangoes remind me to never judge a book by its cover. You can't always determine a good mango by its outer skin. This month I've been reminded to let God be God and allow Him to judge and be in control. This determining a mango analogy goes for people too. Looking at someone's outward actions doesn't always reflect their inward feelings or what they hope and try to express. I am learning to show Jesus no matter what and no matter how someone else treats me. I need to show His Love all the time. And when I mess up, which is extremely often, I need to forgive like Jesus taught us. In everything that comes out of my mouth and in every action- I need to show His perfect Love. It has been a wonderful challenge to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). I have felt such uplifting joy each day. I am learning to place my burdens at the Cross completely. What an incredible difference this makes to my everyday attitude!

Mosquitoes: millions of miserable mosquitoes. Ugh!! My classroom is full of them too. They continually remind me of how life is not comfortable. It's not supposed to be. Having these pests as true companions everywhere I go reminds me to be grateful for the little things. I went to buy a mosquito tennis racket killing bat with my housemate this week. They are amazing bodyguards. They zap mosquitoes in seconds and I can practice my tennis stroke. :) I'm grateful for the little things in life like a mosquito killing weapon and for an AC room with screens on every window.

Motos: motos are everywhere in Phnom Penh. Everyone uses them and families pile on as it's the quickest way to get around. You can even moto-dope (moto-driver). This means I can get a moto ride by sitting on the back, as a taxi service, to take me places. Motos are convenient, useful, and quick, although dangerous. The traffic is busy and congested. I am reminded each day how different Cambodia is to other places I've lived. Even though I spent 18 years of my life living in Asia- there are so many differences. This constant reminder of culture differences makes me even more grateful for the privilege to be here. I am grateful for the beautiful people of this country and their genuine hearts. I am grateful for the chaos on the streets as I continually pray for this nation. This is home.

The month of March: March is looooong for all teachers. I enjoy teaching here and building strong relationships with my students and their families. I love their stories. I love my students genuine hearts and eagerness to learn about the world and about Jesus. They have taught me so much so far this year. This month will always be a long one but a fruitful one. People tell me off for 'having no life' or 'making work my life'. However, God has always placed in my heart a power button of 150%. I love giving it all I got in everything I do. I don't view it as 'work is life'. I view it as 'Alive in Christ to do His work.' Of course, I'm going to give it all I got no matter what it is before me. His Grace is always enough and His timing is always best. Yes, I need to continue to learn about making boundaries and taking care of myself. He wants that for us too! However, I am content in working hard and seeking Him first in whatever I do. We have not been created to please others. We've been created to glorify Jesus and Shine His Name. Sin is defeated. Jesus has already overcome. I want to be more like YOU Jesus. Continue to shape me and mould me to become more like you. 

Nothing is impossible with Christ. Believe that for yourself today. His faithfulness never ends. He always protects. Always helps. Always guides. Trust in His Name and His plan for YOU! He always knows best. Whatever it is you are facing- Jesus knows. He is fighting for YOU. He is moving and listening. Always.

Prayer Points:
1. For the last stretch of school (3 months!)
2. My class and each student as they seek Jesus
3. For my housemates :)
4. For Cambodia and those that are hurting and broken
5. For HOPE school and provision and wisdom 
6. For my parents as they've moved to Holland
7. For my dear cousin, Jesse, who is recovering from a coma
8. For my time management skills and full nights of sleep!
9. For protection from the heat and hot season (to stay healthy)
10. For extra grace, strength, and patience everyday.

Saturday relaxation by the pool with friends and a drink.

Had the privilege of coaching basketball to these beautiful high-schoolers. Posing after our first win!

Housemates ready for Sports Day cheering on our teams!

New grass field at school!

The neighbors mischievous cat slowing down my departure to school.

Russian Market colorful Japanese pottery.

Amazing friends over for fun, dinner, and games!!

Moto drivers holding onto bags of things

 Come visit me! Come work at HOPE! Come to Cambodia!
Visit the website and view the cool video. (I'm in it!)

Thriving Through Transition

I've been in Cambodia for almost a full four months. My last post was a few days before school began and before I met my students. Well, I've taught now for about 13 weeks. Wow! What a beautiful adventure. I'm currently on mid-term break and get one week off before the full stretch till Christmas vacation. 

I have 18 students in my Grade 4 classroom. I'm enjoying getting to know each of their characters and academic abilities. It is an extremely diverse class. I have students 'from' (their passport countries or nationalities of their parents) America, Holland, Cambodia, Australia, New Zealand, Britain, Philippines, India, Korea, Malaysia, and Denmark. I love being able to teach students from all over the world! Serving here is amazing. Growing up with similar stories to these kids is an added bonus. We all enjoy each others stories and grow closer to Jesus together as a class. I never knew what to expect to be teaching at a Christian school. I am honored to get the opportunity to minister to students and build them up in Christ. Teaching with a Christ-centered focus is a blessing. The discussion is meaningful. Also, working at a place where I help support families to stay together as they are on the mission field is a powerful reminder of God's working hand in my life. I'm here for a reason. 

I still have days of wondering if I'm up for this challenge of teaching. Then, I remember that His grace is sufficient and He enables the weak to be strong. During orientation here a session was done on surviving and thriving in Cambodia. I absolutely love living here in Cambodia. The simplicity of life. The walk or bike ride to the market where things are so cheap. The bike ride to school where I pass smiling children yelling, "Hello!" and buffaloes and cows. There is a lot of adventure here too. You have to be flexible and spontaneous all the time. What an exciting life! For example, the mice chasing in my kitchen, the multiple days of soaked laundry due to storms or the drenched me due to storms! :) I've enjoyed living here, but have used the practical tips from that session on surviving and thriving in regard to teaching. I believe I have not just been surviving. I have already been thriving. One of the best parts of being a teacher, in my opinion, is being rewarded when a kid has a "light bulb moment" and he/she gets it! Another best part is when I have an in-depth conversation about real life or get to support a child through prayer. Having these experiences everyday is incredible.

I need to remind myself, however, of baby steps. Baby Steps. Transition takes time. No matter how many times one relocates or changes job, transition doesn't become 'easier'. Just like saying goodbye never gets easier either. I had a student ask me last week if I'd be leaving him soon. He said, "Ms. Sumi, are you leaving in a few months? Every time I get to know a teacher and really enjoy having them- they decide to leave. It's really hard." Goodbyes are never easy.
Settling into a new curriculum is a slow, gradual process. I am so eager to see what else the Lord has in store here as I continue to serve Him and teach my students, build relationships, and connect with Khmer people, staff, and families.
I've been blessed to coach the girls basketball teams. The middle school season just ended and the girls improved so much. The high school season just began and what a joy it has been to see them grow already in such a few short weeks.

I've been reading the book of Joshua and am reminded of how faithful the Lord is to us. His promises never fail. He promises to be with us wherever we go and asks us to be bold, strong, and courageous people. The Lord promises to do amazing things with us and His plans for us. We just need to keep waiting and seeking His face.

Life is never what I expect it to be like. I've never seriously dealt with people placing me in boxes or categories they think they have figured out. Yes, I'm a TCK, an MK, a Pastor's Kid, an international, a multicultural, a single, a teacher, a supposed introvert......... the list goes on. These are all labels. We all have our own and we all use them for ourselves at times. I hope to shine Jesus beyond what others label me as. Beyond what I have labelled myself as. I hope to shine through the walls that I put up for myself. I hope to shine HIM at all times. No matter the circumstance or my emotions or what others think of me. He is the reason I sing, the reason I get up each morning, the reason I do what I do with all of my heart. Thank you Jesus for saving me. For choosing me as Your very own. I'm so in awe of how He placed me into this family. My own family and His greater Family. His Love and Grace enables me to thrive through any transition. He is a faithful Father and a Best Friend. 

Focusing on Jesus allows us to thrive through any obstacle or transition we are faced with. Our burden becomes light as we put Him first and allow Him to carry us through it all. 

PRAISE and PRAYER points:
1. Praise Jesus for His ever-present help as I teach
2. Praises for a wonderful housing situation with great housemates!
3. Pray for a restful and productive mid-term break for students and staff
4. Pray for my students as they continue to learn and seek Jesus
5. Pray for strength and grace as work gets busy and can be overwhelming
6. Pray I can learn to ask for help and support when I need it
7. Prayers for school funding, management decisions, and atmosphere

I leave you with this verse:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9 

One of my friends and colleagues, Ashley!

The local Market where I buy all this yummy fruit! 

My bike ride to school everyday. The road school is off of. Rainy season flooding 

                             

Sesame Noodle Restaurant! Yummy noodle salad :)

City view from a rooftop swimming pool